how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Can I color on your dick again?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize