I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
