i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
