Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
