i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
