just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
