If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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