It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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