all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
