You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize