Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize