wat bout pragnant strippers??
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
