Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
