At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
