I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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