Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
