she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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