No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
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