Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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