There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
