Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
