OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
