He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
