i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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