No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You dont lie about slip and slides
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
