Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
