His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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