i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
