Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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