Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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