just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
