this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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