So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
