I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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