I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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