tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
