I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
