Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
