you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
PANTIES FOUND
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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