Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
