Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I want to make a zoo with you.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
