Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
