i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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