Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
