she looked like the bat from fern gully.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
