Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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