pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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