I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
