I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
