I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize