How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
