i barfeds in our rink
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize