So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
