First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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