i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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