if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
