I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize