Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
