she looked like the before picture.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
