Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
