It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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